But I’m out of here.
Well, Kinda.
I’m going to do the same thing but in collaboration with some buddies over at http://www.halfbrokehotel.com/
they are good at making things look pretty. and they will alert me when i haven’t written in a while, bc clearly i am terrible at that….or good at it?
take her easy.
What do you get when you put a grizzled hardass on the screen with the worst collection of actors ever assembled? You get an unintentional comedy for the ages.
Two sentences to sum up this movie:
1. Clint Eastwood makes tough facial expressions and says more racial slurs than I knew existed.
2. Asians crawl the streets behaving (and acting) poorly.
Slurs uttered:
Fish heads
Zipper Head
Slopes
Gooks
Nips
Dragon Lady
Chinks
and that was just for asians. He had more for blacks, italians, the irish. I’m just glad he didn’t make it to homosexuals, or else it wouldve been a 3 hour movie.
If you need any other reason to see this movie, here is Clint Eastwood singing about a Gran Torino, that prob left him for a mustang or something.
6 improbable laughs/10
I never watched wrestling growing up. I hated it. I didn’t understand my friends who liked it. I was always uncertain on whether or not they knew it was fake.
That being said, i think some of the interest of this movie is momentarily dulled if you aren’t/weren’t a wrestling fan. Only for an instant though, because in the end, this movie could’ve been about any number of professions. America is a breeding ground for professions like the namesake of this movie. Individuals who unwittingly sacrifice their lives and bodies for fleeting moments of fame and fortune are as common as the scores of fickle fans who they performed for.
This movie is about the pain of going through that process. The rise and fall and how one reacts. The main character is a man who refuses to believe that fall ever came. Even as he is drowning at the bottom of the well, he cannot comprehend that he is no longer on ground level. For a moment the man accepts it and attempts live life normally. He gets his fingers over the lip of the well, and sees sunshine for the first time in years. His small slice of fame does not forget him tho, and he is weak to it’s call. As much as he resents what he is, the wrestler gives in and plummets back down the hole onto the mat.
This movie is great. Rourke should win best actor, but this movie isn’t quite as good as the actors in it.
9 roid rages/10
via ogbeardsley.files.wordpress.com
All right, I can see you don’t want to be cheered up here, Dude.
This might be against the rules I previously established for myself regarding this space, but I saw the following in a movie theater, so I think I’m going to let it slide.
Before “Body of Lies” there was a coke commercial in which some dude from the 1600s ends up in modern times via a time machine. The one thing he decides to take back to his friends struggling to make their way from the feudal system into the renaissance is coca-cola.
Obviously this concept is stupid enough. he didn’t even bring back any toothpaste or insulin to counteract the cavities and diabetes that are sure to spring up from a 250 calorie bottle of sugar being consumed by a 5’2” person from the 1600s who probably subsists on 5-600 calories a day. As mad as I was that he didn’t bring back anything like, I don’t know, the bill of rights, a cure for small pox or some text books, it got me thinking about the effects that bringing back certain things would have on the world and humanity. unfortunately, i did not for one minute think about the pros and cons of certain brands of soda pop.
The conclusion i came to regarding time travel is that it would mean the instantaneous end of humanity. Regardless of the G(g)od situation, whatever is going to happen to us eventually will, immediately.
Please allow me to explain.
All of this is assuming the newest theory is true, and you can only travel back to the point the first time machine is built. (if you can go anywhere with a time machine, all of this will still happen, only sooner)
Timmy builds a time machine today (t=0), and goes into the future. Tim’s a philanthropist so he goes to the point where we figure out how to cure all types of cancer, brings back the drugs and textbooks and maybe even a doctor or two to teach how to cure it. Within a year or two cancer is eradicated, but it doesnt stop there. bc of the ability to time travel, the doctor’s can keep perfecting these methods and moving the time of cancer elimination closer and closer to the date Tim left. This date of cancer eradication creeps closer and closer to t=0, there is probably an asymptote reached for time it takes to distribute and treat cancer (and other diseases as well) but with a never ending feedback from the future, all other technologies (like teleportation) are moving forward with infinite speed as well. Assuming this happens on all fronts of health science, within moments of time 0 humans become immortal. Things like cell regeneration, age fighting hormones, they would all appear and be facilitated to the point of perfection as soon as day T comes to pass.
As I said, this is only health science. All other sciences accelerate infinitely as well. Geology, biology, astrophysics, quantum physics, they all come to maximum fruition at time 0. Imagine all the knowledge that will ever be coming crashing to one point in time. That’s one hell of an apple.
Now with all the knowledge of the workings of the universe understood, immediately it would be known whether there is a god or not. Depending on who you talk to, this would mean instant eradication, apocalypse, etc. It would certainly mean the end of life as we know it. Life would become meaningless if we knew the afterlife existed and exactly what it was.
Or wasn’t. If our knowledge of the universe shows that there is no god, things get a bit more complicated. Again, depending on who you talk to, without god in the way humans are destined to either a)destroy themselves through warfare or b) neutralize problems and differences enough so that universal peace exists. so with all events accelerating infinitely towards t=0 all life is either a) instantly extinguished at our own hands or b) peaceful, immortal, capable of traveling the entire universe in an instant, and possessing a knowledge of everything aka we are gods.
I didn’t mention extraterrestrial life, because it doesn’t make a difference. All life will either trend towards peace and godliness or war and death together.
2 possibilities at the instant of time travel:
We are fucked: Everyone dies from the hand of god (he’s pissed we found him) or hand of man (we are assholes)
We’re alright: Everyone is granted entrance to heaven/attains nirvana (god is found out, he’s ok with it) or achieves immortality and godly knowledge (we become librarians of the universe)
One thing I’m curious about is how we would handle the last option. How would we handle being gods? Physically, the universe will not last forever, already a collapse is predicted, which no amount of technology could ever prevent. However, we would be able to predict the exact time this would occur and our immortality would mean counting the days until we are crushed into nothingness. Would we have enough emotions left to dread this day? I hope gods party, because i would get buck wild and prob throw myself into a star just before the shit hits the fan (astronomically speaking).
coke commercial:
2 big bangs/10
I saw a movie yesterday. It was called Body of Lies.
There’s dicaprio, a rugged up and comer in the terrorist fighten’ biz, who kicks a lot of asses and finds out about some more asses that need kicking. russell crowe is around, kinda. he watches dicaprio on tv via airboat-camera pretty much all hours of the day except when is sleeping, when he talks to leo on his phone (no bluetooth, n00b!!), and when he is with his kids, but he hates being with them so he continues to talk to leo. I’m pretty sure they set this child thing up for the sequel, cuz the loathing in his neglected daughter’s eyes was much akin to that in a jihadists’.At any rate, you can’t blame ol’ maximus bc if you could talk to leo all day, wouldn’t you?
BoL did a good job of showing how difficult ground conflict is in the middle east, constantly trying to convince the people that you are their friend, while filtering through them in order to arrest/kill/execute the enemy lying within. The settings were quality. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in that mess over there, so I don’t want to harp on anything in that regard.
Most of the things that annoyed me were petty, but I’m a petty guy.
Female lead (whose name was…). Sometimes hollywood, there just isn’t a place for a love story. I know, it sucks. Gotta get your female lead in there somewhere tho, f’n aclu. You could’ve put her back in the US, had her be a boss at the CIA, but no, you got greedy and put her in Jordan. This guy is mr. super spy, but one shoddy divorce, awkwardly forced into our frame of reference btw, has him pining for love in the desert.
Instead of either
a) a semi-platonic fancy that remains confined to the clinic where they meet, and would be easy to write off or
b) a one time sexual fling (the spy special),
James Bond Jr.( remember the show? i had the car. spikey wheels!) decides he’s going to court her, all proper, and gentlemanly like. The moment her beautiful face appeared on the screen all i could think was “hostage situation”. it was inevitable. The script played out more uniquely than i anticipated, but still, spies don’t get girlfriends!
The heist….Leo’s big plan to catch the terrorist leader is a devilish one. I thought it clever. However, something of that magnitude and importance would take years to build up, not just bc it would need temporal integrity but bc the scope was so mighty. They seemed to pull it off in a weekend. While leo did have the help of a dude with like, 50 computer monitors (nvidea 10^99 bro!!!), i still don’t buy it. (aside to Vigo: some good computer images, a little too windowish, nothing to worry about)
All in all, pretty good middle east movie. i think they need to stop making all of them except for documentaries. what’s going on is far crazier than anything a screenwriter can come up with, and it’s far too important to teach dumb americans with pop films and not facts.
6.5 icebergs/10
It has come to my attention that my initial affection toward’s the movie was due to my boiling hatred of all things T******t.
Aside: I don’t even go outside at that time of day anymore for fear that frumpy mccatlady (seen here being offered a magic toad to stop living) will somehow be making money off of my enjoyment of lingering sunshine. Avoiding ______ has become exceedingly difficult in the winter, especially since i live 30 minutes from work. If i don’t leave right at 5, I am forced to hide under my desk until around 8, when I crawl to my car. /Aside
Not to say that it wasn’t a good movie, it was indeed. In every way that twilight was peachy keen, this was brooding and disturbing.
The story was pretty simple; nerdy, slightly disturbed boy is always picked on (like urkel!). new girl moves in, takes a liking to him, slowly the boy becomes more confident (like urkel!), starts standing up for himself, all the while learning about the true nature of his new compatriot/savior (not like urkel.). Seems pretty run of the mill, been done before. The difference is in the details, and how far the story teller is willing to go. The interactions between the bullies and boy are frighteningly violent, to the point where you actually question the happiness of a people who have socialized medicine and an average income of 70k a year. The grittiness of being a vampire is thoroughly explored and not glorified at all, from the opening scene of the young boy being strung up by his toes, to the poor woman who becomes afflicted with vampirism.
This was cool.
the only other vampire movie that I enjoyed as much as “Let the right one in”
also, im excited about benjamin button. perhaps pitt is a backwards vampire??
