RocknRolla
I wrote this review a couple days ago but the gd browser crashed and took my thoughts with it! I’ve only recently discovered them again in between some empty cans of diet mountain dew in my back seat.
Guy Ritchie, the master of the british-gangster-small-time-thieves-turned-turned-hustler-way-too-many-characters-crime-caper-comedy genre is back again from his hiatus with the sissy ball-player loving queen of poo….pop to make a movie that doesn’t suck….in theory.
Unfortunately his time spent with the nationality-less wench appears to have stolen more than his soul, but most of his ability to spin a good yarn, darn.
This Guy’s 2 previous hits in the aforementioned BGSTTTTHWTMCCCC genre contained some simple elements which were totally lacking in this movie.
1. “The Score” - In snatch the loot was simple enough, a big ass diamond and a fixed boxing match or two. Lock stock had…well, copious amounts of gonja and sting’s bar.
I’m not really sure what the aim was here, something to do with swedish/russian business men and the infinite and ever increasing value of British urban property, yes that’s ironic, and no, ritchie was not trying to be ironic. If he had, he’d be working for whatever Big British Bank is still in business and not pining over a gap toothed skank.
2. “The everyma(e)n”. The first 2 movies graced us with some pretty normal chaps, who you associated yourself with as you delved into the seamy under world of London crime. While never possessing a truly honest trade (shitty boxer promoter and glorified pawn broker), you could sense that the main characters were more or less like you, had you made some bad decisions along the way. They’d steal a little, and they were definitely out for the easy buck, but they weren’t rough, and they’d never kill.
Our guide in this chronicle of crap is none other than Leonidas himself. He’s looking a bit paunchy tho, i guess he quit doing the crossfit made so famous by his hardened nipples in 300. He and his cronies in this movie are actual hardened criminals, theyve killed before, they kill during the movie, and frankly, i don’t want to have tea with them.
3. No love interest. Guy managed to avoid this tired aspect of film, but now that a freakin’ hideous vampire has sunk his teeth into him, he couldn’t stay away, and had a very boring (yet hot) thandie newton around to make things dumb.
I could go on, but those were the most glaring objections.
One or two good performances, the johnny quid was an entertaining cat. as was one of the assassins, who was straight frightening. I can’t find a still from that scene anywhere tho.
5 pikey caravans/10
Oh yea, the music sucked. probably madonna’s fault.
